Yesterday, I was studying to guide my community into a year-long discovery of the Biblical concept of unity. I wrestled all day with the Text, with God, and with myself. I saw evidence of division all around me. Everywhere I looked, all I could see was disunity.
I saw it in the staff of the coffee shop I was sitting in.
I saw it in the way the shop was set up.
I saw it on the front pages of the newspapers.
I watched disunity being played out by a young brother and sister.
I watched as person after person came into the shop, guarded, isolated, lonely, divided from one another spatially and emotionally.
No cohesion. No unity in sight.
I became so distracted by it that I thought a walk might help. On my walk, I saw division everywhere. It felt like my heart and brain had turned into cement. I turned off.
Just a couple of hours later, as I was sitting on the train, I started asking God, "Why all of the division?" and "Why is it stirring in me what it's stirring?"
And then I started to experience the cement differently. I started to see it as the consequence of my own divisiveness, whether intentional or unintentional. He began chipping away at the cement by helping me both discover and recall where I had inspired division.
He helped me discover that I like feeling powerful--that I feel powerful when I choose division over unity.
He helped me to see that I like people relying me--that I feel powerful when people start seeing themselves as I see them instead of how He sees them.
He reminded me how easily I fabricate stories about people in my mind and start believing them to be true--that I feel powerful when my stories about them become true.
That train car became both a confession booth and sanctuary.
I hope they don't mind taking care of the big chunks of cement that I left behind.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
"I had the time."
I just got off the phone with my wife who has just built a new friendship.
This is Jaci at her finest...
She was walking around the Reservoir, pushing Ava in the BOB (a runner's stroller). She came across a young couple with a newborn who began asking her all sorts of questions about the BOB because they were thinking about getting one. Jaci waxed eloquently about BOB and why we love it, including all of the great features that she could remember. They shared pleasantries and went their separate ways.
As Jaci was making her way around the Res, she realized that there was something else that she wanted to share with the couple. Instead of throwing that thought away, she decided she would go and find them.
She rolled the dice, taking the risk that they would already be gone, and turned around to pursue them. She eventually found them and shared the follow-up info that she wanted to, did a folding demonstration, exchanged numbers, and said good-bye.
Just a few days later, Jaci got a phone call from her new friend wondering if she could help Jaci get settled into our new home. These two new moms spent an entire afternoon folding sheets and towels, hanging pictures, scrubbing walls, etc. As she left, she asked if it would be okay if she brought us dinner. A few nights later, she showed up with both dinner and dessert so that we could keep focusing on getting settled.
Yesterday, Jaci began running errands and shot her new friend a call to see if she had time for a walk today. They made plans to meet which they did this afternoon. Two new moms pushing their baby girls in their BOB'S (yes, they got a BOB) when she asked if she could tell Jaci a story.
She proceeded to tell Jaci how after she had walked away from them the first time, they both commented on what an outstanding person Jaci seemed like. It just so happened that Jessica was feeling lonely and questioning big picture things like purpose and direction during their walk that day. At that very moment Jaci caught them to follow up with them. It blew them away that she had pursued them.
Jaci pursued this woman exactly when when she needed to be pursued. She said to Jaci, "You pursued us and you didn't have to."
"You pursued us and you didn't have to."
What an amazing parable about our God who pursued us when He didn't need to. He risked everything and chased after us. He risked everything and chases after our new friends. He risked everything and chases after me.
When Jaci was reflecting with me (I'm crazy about my wife, by the way.) she threw out, parenthecially, "I had the time."
"I had the time."
How often do I miss out on the Kingdom breaking in because I don't have the time?
This is Jaci at her finest...
She was walking around the Reservoir, pushing Ava in the BOB (a runner's stroller). She came across a young couple with a newborn who began asking her all sorts of questions about the BOB because they were thinking about getting one. Jaci waxed eloquently about BOB and why we love it, including all of the great features that she could remember. They shared pleasantries and went their separate ways.
As Jaci was making her way around the Res, she realized that there was something else that she wanted to share with the couple. Instead of throwing that thought away, she decided she would go and find them.
She rolled the dice, taking the risk that they would already be gone, and turned around to pursue them. She eventually found them and shared the follow-up info that she wanted to, did a folding demonstration, exchanged numbers, and said good-bye.
Just a few days later, Jaci got a phone call from her new friend wondering if she could help Jaci get settled into our new home. These two new moms spent an entire afternoon folding sheets and towels, hanging pictures, scrubbing walls, etc. As she left, she asked if it would be okay if she brought us dinner. A few nights later, she showed up with both dinner and dessert so that we could keep focusing on getting settled.
Yesterday, Jaci began running errands and shot her new friend a call to see if she had time for a walk today. They made plans to meet which they did this afternoon. Two new moms pushing their baby girls in their BOB'S (yes, they got a BOB) when she asked if she could tell Jaci a story.
She proceeded to tell Jaci how after she had walked away from them the first time, they both commented on what an outstanding person Jaci seemed like. It just so happened that Jessica was feeling lonely and questioning big picture things like purpose and direction during their walk that day. At that very moment Jaci caught them to follow up with them. It blew them away that she had pursued them.
Jaci pursued this woman exactly when when she needed to be pursued. She said to Jaci, "You pursued us and you didn't have to."
"You pursued us and you didn't have to."
What an amazing parable about our God who pursued us when He didn't need to. He risked everything and chased after us. He risked everything and chases after our new friends. He risked everything and chases after me.
When Jaci was reflecting with me (I'm crazy about my wife, by the way.) she threw out, parenthecially, "I had the time."
"I had the time."
How often do I miss out on the Kingdom breaking in because I don't have the time?
Observation Revisiting Part 2
We began our retreat last night by asking two questions:
1. What has happened recently that is reminding you that God is alive?
Friends and Family; Being a pediatric nurse, I see miracles every day.; He shook me up recently and reminded me that He is in control--Him in control means He's alive.; Having a bad day, I saw a train of toddlers walking onto my campus.; A girl that I know is becoming.; My son.; Surviving a horrible accident.; A not-so-random connection with a past friend over email.; New found intimacy with Him.
2. What do you need to hear from God this weekend?
"Be still." "You're okay." "Simplify."
I am constantly awe-struck by how simultaneously at work God is in the lives of His people. He is intentional. He speaks in the language of individual people's souls. He floods our lives with His presence and invites us to become aware and present to it.
When I do, it stirs in me a desire for more.
When I hear multiple stories of how God is alive, it reminds me that God is alive.
I am hearing God say, "Ssshhhhh is best."
1. What has happened recently that is reminding you that God is alive?
Friends and Family; Being a pediatric nurse, I see miracles every day.; He shook me up recently and reminded me that He is in control--Him in control means He's alive.; Having a bad day, I saw a train of toddlers walking onto my campus.; A girl that I know is becoming.; My son.; Surviving a horrible accident.; A not-so-random connection with a past friend over email.; New found intimacy with Him.
2. What do you need to hear from God this weekend?
"Be still." "You're okay." "Simplify."
I am constantly awe-struck by how simultaneously at work God is in the lives of His people. He is intentional. He speaks in the language of individual people's souls. He floods our lives with His presence and invites us to become aware and present to it.
When I do, it stirs in me a desire for more.
When I hear multiple stories of how God is alive, it reminds me that God is alive.
I am hearing God say, "Ssshhhhh is best."
Friday, October 10, 2008
Sabbath
I'm 28 years old and waking up to Sabbath.
Matthew 12:1-2 :: The super-religious freak out at Jesus because His disciples have the audacity to "harvest" grain on the Sabbath. Why is the Sabbath such a huge deal to the Pharisees? Perhaps it's because the Sabbath was all they had when they were in exile and so it became central. The danger is, it became so central that they attached all sorts of gunk to it so that the meaning and direction behind Sabbath got lost. Maybe that's why Jesus says (v. 7) "I wish you knew what this means, 'I desire mercy not sacrifice.'" Dale Bruner would suggest that Jesus is saying, "I long for human sympathy, not super-human discipline."
It still stands to reason that the Sabbath is a big deal though...but why?
Exodus 20 :: God, in summing up all that He ever had and would say to His people, expounds upon the Sabbath in the 10 commandments. Intentionally, He invests the most ink and real estate to Sabbath (98 English words: NIV) and idolatry (83 English words: NIV). He says, "Rest, because I did."
Where did He say that?
Genesis 2:2-3 :: God spends six days speaking stuff into existence. And then on the seventh day, He rests. Was this because He was tired? Or was it because He was finished? Nonetheless, He stops to take a leisurely step back to savor the beauty and completeness of Himself and all that He had created. Then He blesses the seventh day. He's never blessed a day before. He had created some living things and blessed them--humanity most specifically, but He had never blessed a day. Perhaps there is something alive and life-giving about the seventh day when we choose to stop and step back and savor the beauty and completeness of God and His creation. Perhaps when we do, we are choosing to tap into a day which God has impregnated with blessing. Then He makes the seventh day holy. That is, He intentionally set aside the seventh day for Him and for His purposes.
He sets a 6-on-1-off rhythm for us that we can choose to live into or not. He says, work hard for 6 days, but enter into rest on the seventh day because I did. Stop, Step Back, Savor Me and My completeness.
That's part of it...
Deuteronomy 5:12-15 :: God reiterates His command to Sabbath with one key difference. Instead of resting because God did, He tells them to rest because they couldn't rest while they were in slavery. They could worship Yahweh, but they never had a day off in 430 years to Play.
Play is so important to holisitic human development that the UN High Council for Human Rights deemed play a right of every child.
Perhaps Sabbath is both about stopping and intentionally placing myself in a setting that grows my love for God and reCreating well (that is, eating, resting, playing, enjoying God, creation and one another).
But still, there seems to be more...
John 5 :: Jesus heals a man at Bethesda is has been an invalid for 38 years. He heals him on the Sabbath and again the super-religious go berserk. Once they find out it was Jesus who did the healing, they confronted Him on it and he says, "My father is always at work and so am I." Is Jesus saying that the Sabbath is only a good idea and not necessary? Or is He saying that worship--which is what the Sabbath is all about--produces compassion and that it is impossible to disconnect compassion from worship-SO-don't take a break from compassion on your Sabbath?
I'm 28 years old and just waking up to Sabbath. I've missed out on so much because I live in the deception that blessing comes from what I do. I don't believe God for His promises, and thus, don't take his decrees seriously. I wonder what would happen if I did.
I don't know too many people who actually practice Sabbath. This is collective disobedience. Because I don't know too many people who do and because it is a rhythm that God created, perhaps we need to pay attention to that and begin.
I'm going to start.
Matthew 12:1-2 :: The super-religious freak out at Jesus because His disciples have the audacity to "harvest" grain on the Sabbath. Why is the Sabbath such a huge deal to the Pharisees? Perhaps it's because the Sabbath was all they had when they were in exile and so it became central. The danger is, it became so central that they attached all sorts of gunk to it so that the meaning and direction behind Sabbath got lost. Maybe that's why Jesus says (v. 7) "I wish you knew what this means, 'I desire mercy not sacrifice.'" Dale Bruner would suggest that Jesus is saying, "I long for human sympathy, not super-human discipline."
It still stands to reason that the Sabbath is a big deal though...but why?
Exodus 20 :: God, in summing up all that He ever had and would say to His people, expounds upon the Sabbath in the 10 commandments. Intentionally, He invests the most ink and real estate to Sabbath (98 English words: NIV) and idolatry (83 English words: NIV). He says, "Rest, because I did."
Where did He say that?
Genesis 2:2-3 :: God spends six days speaking stuff into existence. And then on the seventh day, He rests. Was this because He was tired? Or was it because He was finished? Nonetheless, He stops to take a leisurely step back to savor the beauty and completeness of Himself and all that He had created. Then He blesses the seventh day. He's never blessed a day before. He had created some living things and blessed them--humanity most specifically, but He had never blessed a day. Perhaps there is something alive and life-giving about the seventh day when we choose to stop and step back and savor the beauty and completeness of God and His creation. Perhaps when we do, we are choosing to tap into a day which God has impregnated with blessing. Then He makes the seventh day holy. That is, He intentionally set aside the seventh day for Him and for His purposes.
He sets a 6-on-1-off rhythm for us that we can choose to live into or not. He says, work hard for 6 days, but enter into rest on the seventh day because I did. Stop, Step Back, Savor Me and My completeness.
That's part of it...
Deuteronomy 5:12-15 :: God reiterates His command to Sabbath with one key difference. Instead of resting because God did, He tells them to rest because they couldn't rest while they were in slavery. They could worship Yahweh, but they never had a day off in 430 years to Play.
Play is so important to holisitic human development that the UN High Council for Human Rights deemed play a right of every child.
Perhaps Sabbath is both about stopping and intentionally placing myself in a setting that grows my love for God and reCreating well (that is, eating, resting, playing, enjoying God, creation and one another).
But still, there seems to be more...
John 5 :: Jesus heals a man at Bethesda is has been an invalid for 38 years. He heals him on the Sabbath and again the super-religious go berserk. Once they find out it was Jesus who did the healing, they confronted Him on it and he says, "My father is always at work and so am I." Is Jesus saying that the Sabbath is only a good idea and not necessary? Or is He saying that worship--which is what the Sabbath is all about--produces compassion and that it is impossible to disconnect compassion from worship-SO-don't take a break from compassion on your Sabbath?
I'm 28 years old and just waking up to Sabbath. I've missed out on so much because I live in the deception that blessing comes from what I do. I don't believe God for His promises, and thus, don't take his decrees seriously. I wonder what would happen if I did.
I don't know too many people who actually practice Sabbath. This is collective disobedience. Because I don't know too many people who do and because it is a rhythm that God created, perhaps we need to pay attention to that and begin.
I'm going to start.
An Observation Revisiting
In April, I entered a post on an observation I made during a spiritual retreat called "Discover." It's been six months and I'm preparing to guide this experience again with a new set of 12 participants. We've made some tweaks to the guiding of the experience.
1. We're going to explore spiritual giftedness first while people are fresh.
2. We're going to help people attach information on specific gifts (Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12) and ministries (Ephesians 4) to stories from their past.
I look forward to seeing what God does.
1. We're going to explore spiritual giftedness first while people are fresh.
2. We're going to help people attach information on specific gifts (Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12) and ministries (Ephesians 4) to stories from their past.
I look forward to seeing what God does.
Living in the "and"
I find myself attracted to the inclusive "and." My experience dancing in the rhythm of Jesus is both individual and communal-alone and with-I and we. I am more alive living in the "and" than in the "or."
The First Battle
My daughter and I had our first battle...
She has been an incredibly mild-mannered, calm, personable little 10-month old. She loves people, loves to be held, loves to eat, loves to play "climb on daddy."
But...she is getting older, stronger, and more mobile and, therefore, more independent.
I was getting ready to change her diaper the other night and she refused to lay on her back and let me do it. I understand that this is typical; that, if she just lay there calmly all of the time, I should probably be worried. I'm not saying she kind of moved from side-to-side, I'm saying she was flopping like a fresh-caught salmon on the banks of an Alaskan river. She was NOT going to let me get her diaper on. She lived under the misconception that she was in charge--that she knew what was best.
How similar am I to Ava. In the loving care of Father, I flop around because I'm deceived into thinking that I am in charge--that I know what's best. I live in the deception that independence is best, fighting dependency with everything that I am.
Assuming the posture of dependency...is it the fruit of disicpleship, the pre-requisite of discipleship, or both?
New thought :: I model for Ava the posture of dependence or independence.
Another thought :: I teach Ava how to listen to Father both by how I live and how I father.
It's bizarre seeing myself in the shape of a flopping, naked, female infant I call Ava.
She has been an incredibly mild-mannered, calm, personable little 10-month old. She loves people, loves to be held, loves to eat, loves to play "climb on daddy."
But...she is getting older, stronger, and more mobile and, therefore, more independent.
I was getting ready to change her diaper the other night and she refused to lay on her back and let me do it. I understand that this is typical; that, if she just lay there calmly all of the time, I should probably be worried. I'm not saying she kind of moved from side-to-side, I'm saying she was flopping like a fresh-caught salmon on the banks of an Alaskan river. She was NOT going to let me get her diaper on. She lived under the misconception that she was in charge--that she knew what was best.
How similar am I to Ava. In the loving care of Father, I flop around because I'm deceived into thinking that I am in charge--that I know what's best. I live in the deception that independence is best, fighting dependency with everything that I am.
Assuming the posture of dependency...is it the fruit of disicpleship, the pre-requisite of discipleship, or both?
New thought :: I model for Ava the posture of dependence or independence.
Another thought :: I teach Ava how to listen to Father both by how I live and how I father.
It's bizarre seeing myself in the shape of a flopping, naked, female infant I call Ava.
The Pursuit of the Pursued
Much of my life is spent in pursuit of others. I think I've always been this way. I was never one to wait around to see if I was going to a call or an invite--I was the one to do the calling and to make the invites.
I'm attracted to pursuers. I experience a unique depth of friendship with other pursuers. Perhaps it's because the experience is mutual...
I'm also realizing that I have an expectation to be pursued by those who have influence over me...that when it doesn't happen, I feel let down and the relationship takes a hit. Is this right or wrong? I'm not sure, but it is my experience and I can't seem to shut that off.
I love to pursue...I love being pursued.
Some questions have begun to emerge for me...
Do I let myself be pursued by God?
Is He in pursuit of me still?
If being pursued takes horizontal relationships to a deeper level of intimacy, is this my vertical experience?
Is there a mutual pursuit required?
Do I pursue others in response to my God who pursues me?
Do I and others experience God's pursuit in community with one another?
I'm attracted to pursuers. I experience a unique depth of friendship with other pursuers. Perhaps it's because the experience is mutual...
I'm also realizing that I have an expectation to be pursued by those who have influence over me...that when it doesn't happen, I feel let down and the relationship takes a hit. Is this right or wrong? I'm not sure, but it is my experience and I can't seem to shut that off.
I love to pursue...I love being pursued.
Some questions have begun to emerge for me...
Do I let myself be pursued by God?
Is He in pursuit of me still?
If being pursued takes horizontal relationships to a deeper level of intimacy, is this my vertical experience?
Is there a mutual pursuit required?
Do I pursue others in response to my God who pursues me?
Do I and others experience God's pursuit in community with one another?
"Trust isn't Profitable"
I was recently sitting over a cup of coffee with a friend and we were talking about the need for trust in our lives. Trust seems to be this bizarre concept that ever eludes us more and more in a culture disposed toward control.
We were two sociologists critiquing our context when he said, "Trust isn't profitable." That made it personal...and true.
We smiled at each other...the conversation was over.
We were two sociologists critiquing our context when he said, "Trust isn't profitable." That made it personal...and true.
We smiled at each other...the conversation was over.
Living Deceived?
I was reflecting on the journey of unhealthy independence that Adam and Eve embarked. I'm wondering, as I read Genesis 3, what was the lie that they bought?
Imagine two people living in perfect community with God and with each other. They were created as fully alive human beings who got their identity, security, worth, value, significance from simply being in relationship with the Creator. Then, the devil shows up in the form of a serpent and starts a dialogue with Eve by asking a question.
There's nothing wrong with asking a question. Eve went wrong, though, in getting in a dialogue with the Devil--it's never a good idea to get in a dialogue with the master deceiver in whom is zero truth! His question is a legit question, saturated in curiosity and, likely, deception:
Did God really say you couldn't eat from any tree in the garden?
Eve steps into the dialogue and in the context of the conversation begins to remember Creator more tragically than He is.
We can eat from any tree except for the one in the middle. We musn't eat from that one, or touch it, or we will surely die.
Is that what God said? Turing back a few verses, we see Creator talking to Adam using the language of freedom and abundance with boundaries. He does say they must not eat from the tree in the middle because they they'll die--but He never says anything about touching it.
You won't die (said the Devil)...you'll be more alive than you are right now!
Satan is deceiving Eve into believing that she's been duped. She's not fully alive! There is something that she can do to make her more alive than she is right now. He says, "See that tree? Tasty huh? Go, Take, Eat and you'll really be alive!"
So she does. And in that moment, Eve transitioned from a human being into a human doing. Her identity and significance and security are no longer going to be coming from being in relationship with Creator...they were now going to come from her doing.
I live in that same deception. I do not live like I'm convinced that God created me as a fully alive human being who gets life from being in relationship with Him. I live as a human doing, trying to get what I already have available to me.
Hearing myself write, I guess I've been living deceived for quite some time.
It's been killing me.
It's time to let Him guide me back into a human being.
Imagine two people living in perfect community with God and with each other. They were created as fully alive human beings who got their identity, security, worth, value, significance from simply being in relationship with the Creator. Then, the devil shows up in the form of a serpent and starts a dialogue with Eve by asking a question.
There's nothing wrong with asking a question. Eve went wrong, though, in getting in a dialogue with the Devil--it's never a good idea to get in a dialogue with the master deceiver in whom is zero truth! His question is a legit question, saturated in curiosity and, likely, deception:
Did God really say you couldn't eat from any tree in the garden?
Eve steps into the dialogue and in the context of the conversation begins to remember Creator more tragically than He is.
We can eat from any tree except for the one in the middle. We musn't eat from that one, or touch it, or we will surely die.
Is that what God said? Turing back a few verses, we see Creator talking to Adam using the language of freedom and abundance with boundaries. He does say they must not eat from the tree in the middle because they they'll die--but He never says anything about touching it.
You won't die (said the Devil)...you'll be more alive than you are right now!
Satan is deceiving Eve into believing that she's been duped. She's not fully alive! There is something that she can do to make her more alive than she is right now. He says, "See that tree? Tasty huh? Go, Take, Eat and you'll really be alive!"
So she does. And in that moment, Eve transitioned from a human being into a human doing. Her identity and significance and security are no longer going to be coming from being in relationship with Creator...they were now going to come from her doing.
I live in that same deception. I do not live like I'm convinced that God created me as a fully alive human being who gets life from being in relationship with Him. I live as a human doing, trying to get what I already have available to me.
Hearing myself write, I guess I've been living deceived for quite some time.
It's been killing me.
It's time to let Him guide me back into a human being.
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